The poptart hacked – TAKE THAT!

If you are a regular follower of She Calls Me Hobbit, you probably have gotten the impression a lot of my ‘creations’ don’t really spawn from some sort of fertile segment of my Hobbit brain. Instead, they are planted in me by The Lady, sometimes subtly, other times with a figurative hammer and chisel :). Today’s creation?
BANG.
BANG.
BANG.

🙂

I owe all my weight loss and composition changes to her. If she didn’t start down this road for herself, then prompted me that I should join in, I would still be a carb-eating, overweight, under-strength Hobbit. As I’ve alluded to in my little ‘bio,’ I really didn’t come into this willingly. Nope. Not at all. I can just imagine how frustrated with me she must have been, facing my denial on an hourly basis, my tossing minor fits, and generally sulking around while she was seeing changes in herself. So, as penance, when she asks me or suggests something, I try really hard to make it happen.

“You know what would be good? Poptarts.”
“I wonder if you can make some sort of protein poptarts?”
“I REALLY WISH WE HAD SOMETHING LIKE POPTARTS”

Ok. So I’m a little slow at times. Really slow. Oops.

Yesterday I made her the chicken-bacon-ranch stromboli, I think she loves that crust more than she does me. I don’t blame her :). After dinner last night, as we were snacking on Keto Twix and 5-layer bars, she reminded me gently about the poptarts. I stashed that in my Hobbit brain and decided today I would do what I could to make it happen for her.

I pulled it off.
Better than I expected.
As I write this, it’s been about 6 hours since I pulled them out of the oven.
This is how many are left:

😀

As you can see from the finished product, I made both the traditional rectangle shape as well as round ones. Next time, I’m just going to stick with the round ones as they are much easier for my little Hobbit brain to make. I SUCK HARDCORE at spacial relationships, doing the rectangles really taxed my brain trying to get them the same size with my little Hobbit hands. I used a recycled veggie can to make the round ones, much easier. If you have a round cookie cutter, that would work as well. If you happen to be able to cut a straight line consistently, then by all means make them rectangle or square, probably would eliminate the need to roll out the scraps again to make more. This recipe should make eight 2″ pastries (round or square) or 4 rectangles.

I made two fillings – pumpkin because, hell, you know I love to rock the kabocha, and cranberry-orange – but The Lady says the cranberry ones are ‘excellent’ so next time I might skip the pumpkin (at least for her 🙂 ). Don’t worry about carbs on the cranberries, while they do have natural sugar in them, the amount is so low for the quantity used, it really isn’t even worth mentioning (4 net carbs per 1.5 cups of cranberries, the filling uses only 1/4 cup total) and the ‘orange’ is orange extract, no citrus was harmed in the making of these treats :).

So, ready to hack some breakfast pastries (8 2″ round\square or 4 2×4″ rectangles)?

Crust:

• 1 cup vanilla low-carb protein powder
• 1/4 cup coconut flour
• 1/4 cup melted coconut oil
• 1 egg
• 2 tbsp coconut milk (or 1 tbsp heavy cream mixed with 1 tbsp water)
• 2 tbsp granulated stevia
• 1 tsp baking powder

In a small bowl, beat the egg, coconut milk (or cream and water). and coconut oil together until well combined. In a separate bowl, mix all the dry together, making sure you destroy any clumps. Pour the wet into the dry and mix well with a rubber spatula or good spoon. This is going to be a thick dough, very much like pie crust or fathead, you will get your kitchen cardio in with this one :). Once you have the dough so it is able to be rolled into a ball without being sticky, wrap it in plastic wrap and toss it in the fridge for 30 minutes while you make the filling.

Fillings:

Cranberry:

• 1/4 cup fresh or frozen cranberries
• 1 cup water
• 3 tbsp granulated stevia
• 1/4 tsp xantham gum
• 1/8 tsp orange extract

Put the cranberries and water in a saucepan on the stove on high until comes to boil, then reduce heat to simmer. Stir in the stevia. Let the water reduce to about half, stirring occasionally and crushing the berries as they get soft until the are all broken down. Remove from heat, whisk in the orange extract and xantham gum, let cool.

Pumpkin:

• 1/2 cup kabocha (or pumpkin puree)
• 1 egg
• 1 tbsp heavy cream
• 1 tsp pumpkin spice
• 2 tbsp granulated stevia

Put everything in a blender, pulse a few times until smooth-ish. Done.
HA! You know me, I like SIMPLE AND EASY. How freaking easy is that??
😀

Preheat oven to 350F.

Get your dough out of the fridge. Place it on a piece of parchment or silicon mat and flatten it out.

Cover with another mat or parchment, then using a rolling pin, roll it out in a rectangle to the thickness of about a nickle. Decide how you want to cut the pieces, then cut them. Remember, there is a top and bottom so make sure you end up with an equal number :). If you have dough left over, roll out again and repeat.

Using a spoon, drop about a tablespoon for the round or 2 tbsp for the rectangle, filling half the pastries. Spread GENTLY to even out, keeping about 1/4″ from the edge untouched. You don’t want any filling too close to the edge or it won’t seal well when you put the tops on and leak out. Likewise, you don’t want it too high or it will squish out just from the weight of the top piece.

Place the tops on, then using a fork, crimp all the way around the edges, make sure it is sealed well. FYI, this is very forgiving dough, if the tops tear or get deformed lifting them, you can patch them back up easily with your fingers :).

Plop in the oven for 12-15 minutes or until the edges start to brown. Remove, move the pastries to a cooling rack.

Frosting\glaze:

• 1 tbsp vanilla whey protein powder
• 1 tbsp coconut oil, melted
• 1 tsp granulated stevia

Mix all the ingredients together until smooth. Once the pastries are cool to the touch, use a spoon or small rubber spatula to ‘frost’ the pastries.

Done!

NUTRITION COUNT PER pastry CRANBERRY (based off my ingredients, double-check your numbers!): Calories: 128, Protein: 8g, Fat: 9  g, Carbs: 3g, Fiber: 1g, NET CARBS: 2g

NUTRITION COUNT PER pastry PUMPKIN (based off my ingredients, double-check your numbers!): Calories: 139, Protein: 8g, Fat: 10  g, Carbs: 3g, Fiber: 1g, NET CARBS: 0.2g